VALENTINE: MY STORY

‘Happy valentine’ she echoed with a broad and charming smile from a distance, she had expected an equivalent response from me. But she received the shock of the century as my response sent her smiles back to the part of her body they had originated from. Her hands were not spared from the shock waves her brain just learnt, as they were raised up speedily to wave at me but they went down instantaneously; of course not with the same velocity with which it went up, this time a lot slower. Shocked, that is.

‘I don’t celebrate valentine’ ranged on her ears like an old village gong. Her redly painted lips felt the idleness of my response. She had smeared her lips with a quench of red colored pineapple flavored lipstick, the exact look alike of my kindergarten crayon. She had short lips and this made her beautiful. In my much younger age, this type of a lady made me run out of the football pitch. Yes, whenever I sighted them coming towards me, I fled. As chicks do, at the sight of the black feathered predator.

During my secondary school days, a female classmate has said to me in the presence of my peers, “Ezekiel, I saw someone like you close to my house on Saturday, but as I tried to notice the person properly he started running. Were you the one”? She had asked the question smiling, meaning she was almost certain that I was the one.

I was almost embarrassed. I had seen her on Saturday but because I had put on a faded trouser, I ran. Yes, I literally ran as if I was chased by a mob. I had to take a different route to my destination on that sunny afternoon. I didn’t care. All that mattered was that I avoided all forms of embarrassment associated with putting on faded clothes.

I had to look for a way to overcome the ensuing disgrace she was about to unleash on my reputation in the presence of my peers. The following discussion then followed.

‘How can I run from you, are you a lion’?
‘No’
‘Are you a dog’?
‘No’
‘Then why should I run from you’.
‘Sorry, I thought it was you. But just tell me, were you the one?’
‘Are you now a masquerade that people run from?’
‘No’
‘Can you beat me?’
‘No’
‘Am I owing you any money?’
‘No’
‘Then I don’t see any reason why I should run from you’.

My friends actually knew that I could be easily provoked to run at the sight of ladies. But they made sure this girl believed I was not the one who ran away from her and immediately she left the scene they burst into laughter. Well, I am no longer shy. And I don’t run from anybody anymore.

The girl in the first paragraph drew anxiously to know the reason for my principle of not celebrating valentine; of course, after narrating to her, she replied in indifference and left. Just then I thought some persons don’t care about what they do or what goes on around them, they just follow the multitude and play along; sheer Indifference!

The danger in this type of practices, where we rest inexorably on the strength of the multitude, is that sometimes, unbeknown to us, we may just be sitting on a stock of timed explosives; or worse, we may get locked up in our own maximum prison. Consider the mirthless incongruity of having to tear down a prison door to save a prisoner from himself.

I am not against expressing love on February 14. Far be it from that. If it is actually love, then there is actually no cause for this literary boos. But what we see at best is the display of pride, sexuality, and nudeness among our sisters. Kisses and cuddling occurs at every corner of the streets where the trees have decided to offer some shadows against the scorching sun. Ladies become so benevolent with their body parts and carry out scary acts that this writer because of sanity would not dare mention.

Although this writer does not claim to be an emotional virtuoso yet he has failed to see the reasons why some ladies would delight in participating in this yearly routine that constantly feed them with heart breaks and sobs. I cannot help but see the picture of ladies behind bars noodling away in their quiet, lonely world. No, not quite like Kirikiri, Nigeria’s hell-hole misnamed maximum security prison, but a windowless semi-lit enclosure, where a self- imprisoned, languid inmate finds peace and liberty. This is the inescapable image that forms in my mind when I hear of ladies who derive ironical contentment from exchanging romance, kisses and sex with iced creams and stale meat pies. Yet they condemn Brother Esau for exchanging birthright for porridge. My readers may want to compare the financial and economic value of Porridge and meat pies. You will find out that Esau would be a saint when compared to these soulless ladies.

Most bitterly is that some religious body have joined in the disappointing milieu of the rancid indiscriminate undisciplined cry of ‘Valentinic love’. And they organize pharisaical love feast, which I suppose is a subtle means to induce compliance among lust lovers. You may never want to remain a Christian if you dare attend these love feasts organized by these Churches. Religious hypocrites and spiritual apparatchiks!

There are a thousand and one reasons to classify this said date with the day of hatred, anarchy, tears, and immoral imbalances. Innocent girls get heartbreaks, guys do a whole lot to please their girlfriends thereby committing all sorts of moral grievances. They use words, deceitful words, lying words, hypocritical words to deceive these innocent sisters. It baffles me, how they knavishly propagate poetic lines to infest and deceive the hearts of these young, innocent and beautiful girls.

Come to think of it, if love were to be in colors, would it be in red? White would still be preferable. If red is the color of love then what color would be its opposite hate, white? Why would red stand for stop in the traffic light, danger in the road signs and love in social life? It simply does not follow.

For the ladies, I don’t know how you would feel if someone appears in your dream dressed in a red gown and then gives you a wedding ring that is colored red. I believe when you wake up, you would well sharpen your cutlass and give your grandmother a visit. You may want to have her head for dinner.

The day is one of the most controversial dates as classified in history dot com from which I quote “…the confusion over its (Valentine’s day) origin led the catholic church in 1969, to drop St Valentine’s Day from the Roman calendar of official worldwide catholic feasts”. Various episodes of the origin of the celebration abound, some of which are;

A priest in the Roman Empire who persecuted Christians during the reign of Claudius 11, was thrown in jail and later beheaded on February 14. Another episodes has it that, a catholic bishop of Terni who was beheaded during the reign of Claudius 11. The last was, someone who secretly married couples when marriage was forbidden, or suffered in Africa, or wrote letters to his jailer daughter, and was probably beheaded.

The question now is, who among these legends are you celebrating? Assigning a day for love is hypocritical. Live love daily and you would love to live. Visit the fatherless, give to the motherless as frequently as you can. Do not engage in any sort of immoral actions on this day of February 14. Do not be deceived, true love is not once in a year.

Stories used in this piece are hypothetical.
Ezekiel, 400 level Pharmacy, UNIBEN.

WANTED: AN IMPARTIAL UMPIRE

SOURCE: The Nation Newspaper
Thursday, 12th of February 2015.


BY: Ezekiel Efeobhokhan


Readers who are familiar with the football parlance would understand what the Spanish word el clasico means. The games tagged el clasico never fails to thrill football fans worldwide . In the like manner , the hot contest between the two main political parties in Nigeria – Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) and All
Progressives Congress ( APC) – could be termed a political el clasico . Just as it is in soccer , supporters of these parties have not failed to express their solidarity for their choice candidates in the coming presidential election . It has been a show of wit and strength . The have engaged themselves in mudslinging . They use unprintable words to paint the other side bad. They propagate propaganda with the speed of light.


Their needless abuses are not limited to conventional media alone; they have taken to social media to continue their frivolous arguments. Yet, the candidates may not be aware that these activities are going on in their names. They may not be aware that their supporters’ actions may turn what is supposed to be a  peaceful civil exercise to a full - blown acrimony . But because these candidates may not have something to offer to the people , some of them resort to name- calling and abuses .


The PDP candidate , President Goodluck Jonathan, has been described as a great transformer by his supporters, and he is compared with the likes of Barrack Obama and Lee Kwan Yew. But, is there anything that justifies this comparison ? Jonathan must have achieved some good things but he is nowhere near transforming the country . This writer is yet to see how and where transformation is taking place.


Would it be transformation, that Nigeria has turned to a jungle under the watch of President Jonathan? In one swoop, 219 schoolgirls were herded into the bush by a band of criminals and some nine months after , we are yet to rescue them from their captors.

Or is it transformation that oil price is dropping and there has been no commensurate crash in the pump price of petrol ? Or what do we call the subsidy scam on kerosene and petrol ? Power supply is worse than it has ever been.


Our savings at the World Bank has been depleted in a manner we have never
seen before . Corruption thrives under this administration while many officials go away with administrative recklessness.
What is the price of a bag of cement now ? This commodity has increased in price by more than 75 per cent against what the president promised us . How can an economy that has been undergoing transformation suddenly slump into a depression at the fall of oil price in crude market?


The ‘transformation ’ train has also hit our anti- graft agencies , making them ineffective to fight corruption . Even , there is an official imprimatur in support of graft and this is confirmed with a statement credited to the president : “ stealing is not corruption”. What is it then ?


We have seen unresolved corruption cases increasing and gulping our resources . We are yet to see the end of $ 620, 000 Farouk Lawal bribery scandal, the N 4 trillion subsidy scam , the N 60 billion police pension scam , the N 225 million Oduagate, the N 10 billion Alison Madueke’ s jet scandal and the missing $ 20 billion oil money at the nation ’s oil corporation .


The APC on the other hand prides itself as a party of change. It has been promising change away from the maladministration of the PDP. But, can the party truly effect the change when some of its members were part of the people who enthroned PDP to lord it over us? A larger number of APC candidates defected from the ruling party because they were sidelined in the PDP.
Even, the antecedent of the APC presidential candidate is still being contested in the court of public opinion , whether he truly represents the change we desire. General Muhammadu Buhari ’s action as Head of State is still creating fear in the heart of many, who experienced his jackboot rule in 1984 .



Why is Nigeria always getting first- hand disappointment from political leaders? Why is this country always finding itself between the devil and the deep blue sea ? That , out of the avalanche of corrupt and morally degraded
politicians , we are stuck in-between two
side distractions - bad political clubs with bad and expired players.


Most of the time , we are caught between laughing off self-inflicted crises plaguing this country or resorting to
laughter as a form of catharsis to blurt out the gory affairs of a nation that has refused to grow out of the embryo of bad leadership in which it has been trapped since ages past.


Who will point the way toward a glorious Nigeria, where there would be power stability , elimination of Boko Haram , job creation , zero tolerance for corruption and the likes? Who will take education as a priority and do everything to forestall further academic
strike? Who will create jobs for the teaming youths ? Who will give education grants to students and make Nigerians
have interest in education again? These are not too much to ask from these two aspirants in case any eventually becomes
president .


On election regulation, should we expect the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC ) to remain true to its
name – independent? Would Prof Attahiru Jega be bold enough to tame the excesses of the candidates without
fear of favoritism?

Well, INEC should know that the masses, the jobless ones that fill our beer parlour,
the men that cluster around newsstand to argue for a better country, want their
votes count.

INEC should also be cautious to know that the unity of the Nigeria depends on how free and fairly this election is conducted.

The electoral umpire should beware that el classico
such as this could be volatile and may
turn violent if the fans dare smell any foul .

Many times, aggrieved fans do not mind beating up the referee alongside the opponents. A word is enough for the wise.


• Ezekiel , 400 -Level Pharmacy, UNIBEN