The Unmarried Polygamist

I hate to disturb you pastor but this is very urgent. Pastor, I think someone is pursuing me from the village. You remember that day you said we should pray against generational curses and monitoring spirits? Yes that day, I could not pray. Those people pursuing me from my village made me sleep all through the prayer session. I was snoring in church, imagine! Even close to a loud speaker.


Pastor, in school, I always read in one dark classroom at night. And whenever I go there to read, one ugly looking girl always sit opposite, staring at me. Pastor, she is dark, very dark, like coal tar and short too. Pastor, you know how slim like bonga fish I am, yet I did not understand what this girl wanted in me. Not until 7 days later when she forced me to collect her number. Yes, she forced me with her continuous staring. And in another 7 days, exactly after the ‘Marry me or I kill you’ program you organized in church, she became my first girlfriend. That same morning my elder brother married his first wife in the village.

Pastor, in my class too. My assistant class rep, the one that used to call me ‘handsome Fegor’ in class, she always stare at me in class. The day she also forced me to collect her number, I saw the way she smiled and looked so happy like someone who won a lottery. My very fat assistant class rep became my second girlfriend exactly seven days after I collected her number. That same morning my elder brother got married to his second wife in the village.

Pastor, I thought that was all until I came to church last month. And sister Lizzy, that large headed sister that smiles with all her 32 teeth. Yes, the one that blast in tongues with the microphone. Pastor, last month, just last month here, the day you said we should turn to our neighbor and say ‘You look beautiful’, that day, she sat beside me. After I lied to her that she was beautiful, I then collected her number. And after 7 days, pastor, she became my girlfriend. That same morning, my elder brother married his third wife in the village.

Pastor I already have 3 girlfriends. The ugly, the fat and the big headed. Pastor, I would have not come to confess. But this morning, just this morning, I got a call from my mother that my elder brother is about to get married to his fourth wife, tomorrow. Please, pastor pray for me. Today is Saturday, and six days ago, just last Sunday here, I saw the way your daughter, Lisa, was staring at me. Please pray for me, please.

Ezekiel Efeobhokhan
600 level Pharmacy
UNIBEN

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